A New Hope

(yes, I am a geeky Star Wars fan)

Things are going well with my husband, Doug, and I at the moment. We're coming off a two month long really sucky period, but I feel like we're finally on the right track. He's in with the right people who will help him become the person he wants to be, and I also have a great therapist who is helping me work on my own issues.

We read a great book that helped cement my decision to give our relationship a real shot: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship. It's a quick book to get through. There are about 30 questions (followed by elaboration and advice to help you come to your answer), all designed to help you decide whether your relationship is worth saving. It reminded me and Doug that despite the troubles we're having right now, there are a lot of really good things about our relationship.

Of course, this is just all around a hopeful time of year, too, isn't it? The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, and it's amazing what being outside does for my mood. We've been working on sprucing up the back yard, going to parks, and taking our dog to the beach.

The beach is especially fun. Niall (22 months) is really into Blues Clues. Well, with all the dogs running through the wet sand, there is a veritable treasure trove of 'Clues' for Niall to find. He has to point out every single one.



And here is our wonderful dog, Maddy. We got her from the Sterling Animal Shelter back in 2002. She turned 10 last November, and is definitely showing her age.. but she still has a great time playing with the other dogs at the beach.

Why..

Why should I ever post about my success? Time after time, I have to follow a post of "Woohoo! I'm awesome" with "Okay, nevermind, I suck."

Totally blew it this past weekend, but that was sort of to be expected, I guess. But then today, I've had an indecent amount of sugar. Ugh. The book I'm reading, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, says that after a binge is when you need to be kindest to yourself, and I can buy that. I know why I'm eating, and I know it's not helping any.. but I'm not doing so great at stopping myself.

I mean, really.. between accepting my life, trying to heal and grow.. and eating a handful of cookies.. why should't I choose the cookies? ;)

I will go to the gym tonight, I will.

Success!

Last Monday (1/23) I weighed in at 265.6. This past Monday, I weighed in at 262.8. And this morning, I weighed myself, and the scale read a beautiful 261. I'm feeling pretty good about myself today!

I've been eating well for the most part, staying within my ranges for calories, fat, protein, etc. I did splurge on Saturday when my husband and I went out to dinner, but that's part of the plan - stay on track all week, and enjoy myself on Saturday. I've also been going to the gym as much as humanly possible.. last week, I overdid it and had to take a day or two off, but so far this week I've been Monday and Tuesday. Hopefully I'll make it every night this week.

And in other news, I was productive this weekend, craft-wise. I made these adorable onesies and listed them (and a bunch of others) in my Etsy Shop.

New Goals

I have two new goals to work on this year. I'm not calling them New Year's resolutions, because we all know those always fail.

My first, obviously, is to lose weight. This time it feels right. I can't really explain it, but I feel good about changing my eating habits and increasing the time I spend at the gym. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I do think this is *my* time. I'm tracking calories on Spark People, but not otherwise doing a specific diet. I picked up the book, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, by Geneen Roth. I've heard wonderful things about her. I'm not very far into the book, but it's great so far. I may request some of her other books from the library if I really like it.

I'm also going to the gym as often as I can. Unfortunately, I only have about an hour and a half window in the evenings (after my husband gets home from work and before the kids go to bed), but that should be plenty. It takes me about 45 minutes to do all the weight machines, and those I should only do every other day. The rest is slated for cardio. I also have high hopes to work out at home during the day, but we'll see.. I've never had much luck with that in the past (mainly due to the kids constantly interrupting me).

My goal is to lose 100 lbs in 51 weeks - in time for our next planned vacation to Disney World. I'm pretty excited about this. You may know that Disney World is actually completely friendly to overweight people, but I would love to be able to enjoy our vacation as a much thinner (and fitter) woman.

My other goal is to work on my marriage. We're on the brink of divorce. I've thought a lot about whether I want to write about this here, but I may as well. Without going into too many details, my husband revealed some major issues last summer, basically opening my eyes to the fact that he was not the person I thought he was, and that much of our marriage was also not as I'd thought. After five months of fitful progress and astounding setbacks, we've both recommitted to working on us. We're both working hard and putting our efforts into concrete actions. We've read a lot of books on this subject, some of which I may review here. Most recently, we both read Getting the Love you Want, by Harville Hendrix. It was recommended to us by my individual therapist. The plan is to resume marriage counseling soon and work through the exercises (there is an accompanying workbook, too) together, guided by someone experienced with the method.

Check Out My Etsy Store!

I've finally done it - I now have an Etsy store! I'm listing new items regularly, but there's lots to look at even now.

Here are two of the cute shirts you can find in my store:

Chicken Tortilla Pie

I wish I'd taken a picture of the dinner I made last night. It came out really well, and was a big hit with the boys (my husband and two older sons.. my daughter didn't really care for it). I don't have the amounts, I mostly eye-balled everything, but here's a 'recipe' anyway.

Ingredients:
Shredded Chicken (I used 4 chicken breasts, cooked in a pan w/ some Carribean Jerk sauce)
Fresh Salsa
Black Beans (or black bean dip)
Shredded Cheese (Monterrey Jack or other)
Tortillas

Preheat oven to 450.

On a cookie sheet or similar, place a tortilla (nice big ones if you're cooking for a lot). Spread a good layer of black beans (or dip). Then layer on salsa (I used about 1/3 cup), chicken (about one breast, shredded), and shredded cheese (I went heavy on the cheese, at about a cup). Cover with another tortilla, then layer again with beans, chicken, salsa, and cheese. Rinse, repeat. Do not put a tortilla on the final layer, it should be open.

Bake for about 10 minutes, until cheese is melted and everything is heated through. We cut it like a pie, and it was fantastic. Ours served 6, though 4 of those were children. :)

Belated Solstice

In our house, we celebrate the Winter Solstice. On Solstice Eve, we have a nice dinner, then create a fort in the living room. We light dozens and dozens of candles, crawl inside, and stay up late telling stories. This year, we modified it a bit. With my youngest still being such a troublemaker, we knew he'd pull down even the stoutest sheet fort. So instead, we got out the futon mattress and the air mattress, all of our blankets, comforters, and pillows, and created a huge bed. Then we lit a fire in the fireplace, and set out our customary candles. We had also done an advent lighting of sorts - on our altar, we had three white pillar candles and a lovely yellow-y orange candle in the center. On the Wednesdays leading up to the Solstice, we lit the white candles, and on Solstice Eve, we lit all four.

So we stayed up late, telling stories about the sun (the children made up their own.. in past years, we've read Celtic and Norse myths). The children went to bed, and then my husband and I set to work. On Solstice Eve, the fairies create a special door to come from the realm of fae and into our world (using chalk, of course), and then cause all sorts of mischief. This year, they created an obelisk of toys, with a host of stuffed animals bowing down before it. They hung toys from the curtain rods and the chandelier. They put boots on the sconces, and replaced portraits hung on the wall with Crocs. They also toilet-papered the couch. While my husband was setting all that up, I worked on the gift the Solstice fairies would leave. Here it is:



In previous years, the Solstice Fairies have left little gnomes, so this year they got a gnome house. It was actually pretty easy to make, it took about two hours. I need to see if there's some sort of floral fixative to spray it with so it won't rot, because I'd love to keep it for next year, too.